I think the most valuable resource anyone has is time. Things in your life may come and go, but once spent, time is gone forever. It make sense to me to do what I can not to waste the time that has been allotted, what about you? I would like to spend as much time as possible with my Happily Here and Now. I'm still looking though. I have faith that this method will help with that process so I can start being less pragmatic and more romantic. The goal is for you and I (you've made it this far, so you're a potential partner, right?) to exchange about five dates' worth of information before we ever meet. It saves an incredible amount of time, money and frankly heartache for both of us.
Like diamonds, each of us has a number of facets to our personalities. Here are some important things to know about me up front, so they don't become awkward and/or embarrassing disclosures later. Some are good, some are bad, some just "are." (And some I've completely stolen from Facet lists of other people I know. In this case, plagiarism really is a sincere form of flattery. Thank You!)
If you think you may be a good match, based on what you read about me, please take the time to write your own Facet Foreplay list and email it back to me from my Contact page. I'll read through your Facets list, and if it looks like we have enough common ground, I'll send you more personal details about who I am and who I'm looking for. Otherwise, I'll thank you for interest, and wish you the very best of good luck in your search for finding the Hero that is right for you.
One more thing...I have become very realistic in my expectations. I live in a remote area. I have some non-traditional views. Experience has taught me that I'm not going to be a good match for a good number of women, but that's all right. All I need to do is find one great woman, where we each match each other's Five Filters. I'm far from perfect, and that's okay. But I also know I'm quite perfect for someone, as she is quite perfect for me. If she's not you, then I wish you all the best regardless. And now, the list...
The "Me" Matrix
Ready to see a few of my favorite things?
I'm a career civil servant, working for a non-military agency of the federal government. I started out in the Navy, right out of high school. During the years I was wearing a uniform, I had a wonderful time riding around the Pacific Ocean in a nuclear submarine. I was fortunate enough to visit several foreign countries, and learn a little bit about the culture and customs of other counties. I also got some excellent training and experience in electronics and computer science. When I left the Navy, I continued to go to sea for Uncle Sam, but this time on a hydrographic survey ship. Now that was a very fun job. We visited remote fiords in Alaska, out of the way islands in the Gulf of Alaska, and several of the Hawaiian Islands. After a couple of years of that, I decided to transfer over to a completely land based job within another arm of the department. I've been doing that ever since. What's that you ask? At this point in time, my job is a computer system administrator. I work closely with another person in my office; I do the majority of the software installation and maintenance, plus a little hardware maintenance. He does the majority of the hardware maintenance, plus a little of the software maintenance.
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When I was just starting out with this agency, my priority was location. I was in Seattle, Washington, just a short distance away from where I grew up. Then, as now, I think the Pacific Northwest is one of the most beautiful parts of the country, and I've seen a lot of the country. The price I paid for staying in that location was glacial advancement within my agency. In our department, the path to promotion is through relocation. My preference is still the western US, but for the last eight years, I've been willing to go almost anywhere on the path to promotion. That shift in attitude has allowed me to reach the peak of my career ladder. I'm currently in the job I've spent the last eight years grooming myself, and training myself for. As it turned out, when I was offered the position I'm in, the vacancy was in Glasgow, Montana. I've found the perfect job for me, and that job happens to be at a remote office on the eastern plains of Montana.
There is no GAP, or Nordstrom's, or Dillard's here. I'm sorry to say there isn't a Home Depot either. One of my co-workers says, 'you can find anything you want in Glasgow, it just won't be the right size, style, or color.' If you're all about the tactile experience of mainstream shopping, Glasgow is going to be a shock. However, the FedEx and UPS drivers know most of us by name, and that tactile experience can be had by spending the weekend in the big city.
It's certainly been a big surprise to me, but I really enjoy living in Glasgow. The air is clean. The sun shines on most days, even when it is really cold in the winter. There is no traffic to speak of, and everything that is here, is close. There isn't a quantity of people here, but there is a quality of life here that I think is exceptional. Plus, the cost of living out here on the prairie makes it easier to save up for those really special vacations. Personally, I'd rather be in a small town and building my vacation fund, than be in a large town trying to figure out how to stretch my pay check to meet my mortgage. As much as I enjoy it though, I know that living in a small town is not for everyone. If I were to pick one thing, I think location is my biggest liability.
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I wrote in a dating profile once that 'aside from cellular regeneration, and female companionship, everything in my life keeps getting better'. That was true then, and it's true now. I keep getting 'character lines', and I still haven't found The One. There are a few other challenges now and again, but I think everyone goes through that. Overall, I think I have a great life. I have a house I really like. It was built in 1950, so there are a few things here and there that need attention, but that is one of the things I like about it. I have food on the shelf, and ice cream in the freezer. My Doc says I'm in really good shape. Other than occasional fluxuations in the stock market, I have no real stress. I love my job, and have lots to keep me enjoyably busy away from work. I have to say, life is good! And I am optimistic about it getting even better.
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My Mom is still going strong, and living on her own south of the Seattle Metro area. My Dad passed away about 25 years ago from a stroke. (I have much better blood pressure readings, and a healthier lifestyle than my Dad did.) My younger brother passed away about 30 years ago due to a systemic infection that was the result of a freak accident. I have two former wives, and two daughters, and one grand daughter I've never met.
My first ex wife, and my eldest daughter, along with her daughter all live somewhere in Florida. They moved from Washington to Florida in 1996 or so, and I have had very little contact since then. I do my best to keep the door open, I send my eldest birthday and Christmas cards, but I don't get any response. I prefer to have no contact with the Florida ex.
My second former wife, and youngest daughter live in North Dakota. My former spouse is currently enrolled in a graduate degree program, and is doing very well, but like all Grad Students, is amazingly overworked with course material. We're still friends, even though we're not married anymore. My youngest daughter is in grade school, significantly different than grad school. I stay in touch with my youngest through phone calls and stay in touch with her Mom though email and phone calls. My North Dakota former spouse is still listed as my "In Case of Emergency" contact.
I have cousins scattered all over the west, but there are far more I've never met, than there are that I have met. When I was growing up, we were never big on extended family gatherings. I think I've been to a total of three family reunions, and we have them every two years. (The rest of the family is very big into extended family gatherings!)
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My dream for a future relationship is a family of two, an adult to adult relationship. If you're happy with your empty womb, you're my kind of lady. If your nest is empty, so much the better. If you are looking for babies, I am so not your guy. I love my daughter dearly, and think she's an amazing individual. She is an awesome kid. But, at this stage of my life, selfish though it may be, I do not want to live with kids on a daily basis. I've been living on my own for quite a few years now, and I like my quiet lifestyle. I like being able to go away for the weekend if I want to, and on a moments notice. My daughter will always be an important part of my life, as I'm sure your kids are if you have any. My idea of Happily Ever After fits in a red convertible with only luggage in the back seat.
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I think marriage is a great legal instrument when there are children involved. I also think it doesn't take even a high school level of statistics to know that a marriage certificate is no assurance of a lasting partnership. I can vouch for that twice. My goal is a happy, satisfying, emotionally fulfilling, lasting partnership with an incredible woman. That may or may not include a marriage certificate. All things being equal, I'd just as soon skip the paperwork. I'm not bitter and against the concept of marriage, I'm just a bit hesitant.
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The big "M" word... In my mind, emotional fidelity is a much bigger deal than sexual fidelity. Honesty and communication are real biggies too. I think a couples decision on monogamy should be based on mutual discussion, and honest commitment to however that decision falls. In the past, I've been monogamous within a relationship. I've been mutually non-monogamous within a relationship. I've been happy with, and happy with more. Whichever way we decide together, monogamy is not a deal-breaker issue for me. My sticking point would be that we both discuss our feelings and opinions, and we both buy into a mutual decision.
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Maybe a Dork? Hopefully you're aware there is a difference. I self identify as a Geek. I'm fascinated by a variety of subjects, but I pursue my quest for knowledge with a desire for better proficiency more than simply the joy of learning. This hairless ape is definitely a tool user. I'm writing these pages in a text editor, and I'm able to code the majority of the html structure from memory. To me, I like not relying on a special html editor (although I wish my text editor did syntax color coding). I like gadgets, and gizmos you can do cool stuff with. My favorite part about my HK is how the LEM trigger functions. I prefer Linux to Windows, and the majority of my time is at a command prompt instead of clicking buttons.
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Faith, religion, and spirituality
For a conventional label, I'd label myself "agnostic". I do believe there is some power in the universe greater than ourselves. I don't know if that is a single deity, a pantheon, or a collective were there is a piece of deity in all of us, and we are all linked together. I just don't know, but I find it fascinating to think about. I enjoy reading eastern philosophy. I do my best to live by the other Golden Rule. That's the "do unto others..." one instead of "he who has the gold..." I have a live and let live attitude up until the point where it adversely impacts me or mine. I've attended services at Christian and Jewish institutions. I've participated in several flavors of pagan ritual. I'm still looking for something that speaks directly to me. I'm interested in my own search. I am not interested in converting anyone to my view, or being converted to someone elses. If you're a church every Sunday person, that is great for you. If we were a couple, I'd want to learn about your passions and your interests. But if you're wanting me to become a church every Sunday person, that is unlikely to happen.
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What are my needs in a relationship.
A man's got needs, baby! Well, yes, but so does everyone. I don't think I'm particularly needy. I suspect I can be annoyingly independent if I'm not paying attention. When I'm in a relationship, I do need to feel like I'm a priority. That need can be met in a number of different ways. I am NOT looking for slavish, clingy, dependent devotion. Just the thought of that gives me shivers in a bad way. I do like affection, touch, flirtation, and communication. I value self-reliance, and independence. I think complacency is a major killer of relationships. I need to have complete faith and trust in my partner. When my partner makes a commitment, I need to know she means it, and will follow through with it, whatever it is. Don't say it if you don't intend to do it. Don't promise what you can't or won't deliver. I know myself well enough to know, I'm quite orally inclined. This has been a deal-breaker in the past. It's a deal-breaker now. I'm pretty open and negotiable about bedroom activities, but active enjoyment in giving and receiving oral attention is a specific requirement for me. One last thing, I need quiet time on my own. This doesn't mean I want to go off and do things without my partner. What it means is that I'm an introvert, and the way my personality works is that I need to have some quiet time available to me for introspection, and to 'recharge my batteries'.
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My stats: I'm 73 inches tall, or 6'1". I weigh somewhere around 180-190. I don't have a scale so it's hard to know exactly where my weight is. I usually go by how my pants fit. If they're tight, I need to do something weight-wise. If they are loose, I need to think about new pants. It would be nice to get back to size 32 jeans, which would be around 165-175, but I'm not too worried about it. My real age really is 52 as I write this, probably 53 by the time you read it. My birthday is in March. According to my doctor, my health is great. My most recent physical was January, 2008. If I exercised more, I'd be even better, but as it is I have no health issues, take any prescription medications, or regularly take any over the counter medications.
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Hobbies, passions, recreations, dreams
I think my greatest passions are learning and reading. I've been working on staff at Burningman for the last eight years, I think that would qualify as a passion. Though really, what draws me to Burningman is more about the interactions with the friends I've established there than any particular "thing", except perhaps the desert itself. I'm fascinated by digital photography. The more I learn about it, the more I learn there is more to learn. Of course, that is true about just about everything. There is always more to learn about things that interest you. I like to do projects on my house. I have an older Ford Mustang I'd like to do some restorations on, as budget allows. My big dream though is travel. I bought a book titled "1000 Best Places to See in the US and Canada Before You Die." I'd like to take several years and use it as a checklist.
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I am definitely not a jock. Whatever gene it is that makes people want to sit on the couch and watch some professional sports team play a game, didn't manage to get attached to my DNA. If I were going to watch sports, I think I'd be more inclined to watch a regional or amateur team or individual. That sort of thing has never been an interest of mine. I used to watch professional football with my Dad, but that was to spend time with my Dad. I could care less about what was going on in the game. I do like to get outside, so long as it is above freezing outside. I've worked outside at -20F, and it was not all that fun. I enjoy camping, hiking, looking for interesting places to photograph, or hanging out at natural hot springs, along with many other activities that do not involve professional sports teams.
I know I should exercise more. I'm not doing too bad, I wore 32 waist jeans in high school, and I wear 34 waist jeans now. When I was living in Utah, I was in a yoga and pilates class two nights a week, and I did that for a couple of years. Now that I'm in Montana, I'm still taking yoga classes. As much as I enjoy participating in the group class, I never seem to set aside time to exercise on my own. I've got several exercise dvds, I just don't seem to remember to stick them in the player and follow along when I'm by myself. There always seems to be too many other things that are more important...
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Specifics that might go here have their own Profane List that was mentioned back on the Five Filters page. What I want to talk about here is more general. "Normal" is something that is more general. Intimate sexual activity every day is normal. So is intimate sexual activity once a month. Where problems occur is when one partners "normal" is the other partners, "You want it how often?!?" Normal is a relative term. My preference for would be several times a week for sexual activity, but every day for intimate couple time that may or may not include sexual activity. What does that mean? I want to make a point to set aside and devote time, each and every day, for intimate one on one interaction with my partner. Coming home, eating dinner, watching some mindless television program, then going to bed does not count as intimate interaction. Doing things together as a couple counts. Things like going for a walk together and really talking, or playing a game together and really talking, or doing couples yoga, or alternate massage. It is some activity done together as a couple where your focus is on your partner, each and every day.
As for intimate sexual interaction, I'm not the Energizer Bunny, or Jackhammer Jack. My preference is to take the time to fully enjoy one another. Quickies are good now and then, just like a slice of seven layer chocolate cake, but it's not everyday fare. Since I like to take time, and savor all the subtle flavors involved, my preference would be early weekday evenings, days off, weekends, and vacation time. Time where you don't have to rush because you have to get to work, or you have to get to sleep so you can head off to work early the next day. And, with the proper motivation, I wouldn't mind the occasional staying home and playing hookie from work.
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All of my childhood, and a good portion of my adult life, I've enjoyed the company of pets in the household. Over the course of my life I've had dogs, cats, hamsters, fish, horses, goats, chickens, and sheep in various numbers as family pets. I enjoy the company of family pets, though for the last decade or so, I haven't felt like I've been in the position to adequately care for one. Recently I took the plunge and adopted a dog. I like dogs, and think they are fine companions. While on a 'will this work out' visit, I was exposed (several nights stay in a studio apartment) to a home with a large cat population and have discovered that I seem to have developed a mild allergy to cats at some point. I've also developed a certain hesitancy to dating "that woman with all the cats" as a generic archtype.
I've learned I have another personality quirk; I'd prefer that pets not spend the night on the bed. Part of this is being a light sleeper, and part of it is wanting a special place for a (human) couple. I'm not so concerned with pets being on the bed for snuggles, but when it's time for sleep, my preference is for the people to be in the people bed, and the pets to be in the pet bed.
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What traits are major deal breakers for me?
Decisions are best done when you're not in a desperate circumstance. When you're out in the woods, being charged by an angry bear, who's cubs are inexplicably behind you, you are in a desperate situation. Choosing a life partner is not that sort of decision. When I'm looking at the traits and facets of a potential partner, each aspect gets four votes; both heads, heart, and eyes. Any of the four have veto power over the other three. None of the things that would merit a veto from any of the four are necessarily wrong, they are just wrong for me. There are perfectly wonderful individuals who possess all the qualities I would veto, and they are perfectly wonderful. They are just not perfectly wonderful for me.
Thinking back through my successful, and unsuccessful relationships, I can identify some traits as being enough to precluded a romantic relationship with me, essentially a Deal-Breaker. Smoking is on the top of the list, as are all other chemical addictions (drugs, booze, Elvis collectibles, etc.) with the exception of coffee and chocolate. Being HIV positive is a no-go. Being physically or verbally abusive is a no-go. I don't do it, and I won't tolerate it. This isn't specifically a deal-breaker, but I am a Pescetarian, and no, it doesn't have anything to do with religion. The smell of meat cooking can and often does make me nauseous. The more you think "it's not a meal without meat", the less likely we are to be a match. Excessive weight is a subjective term, after all, muscle mass weighs more that fat, and female curves are a very good thing. The reality though is that I find excessive weight amorously unappealing. Oh, and as has been mentioned elsewhere, both heads require adequate stimulation.
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Ready to see a few of my favorite things?
A short footnote about the term "excessive weight": First off, I think the standard Doctor's Office height-weight chart is worth less than the paper it's printed on. My visual concept of weight has very little to do with where the needle on the bathroom scale is. On the Efficient Love web site, Robert has a dress size formula that is scaled based on height. I won't repeat it since his perception of an appealing figure varies from mine. As a generalization, I much prefer the Waist-Hips-Ratio formula theorized by Dr. Singh at UT Austin. So, my actual concept of weight, and amorous appeal, has little to do with actual scale weight, and more to do with whether a particular waist is concave or convex.
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